Chapter four:
Hopefully, we didn’t scare you too much with what you’ve read so far. In reality, we love being involved in both foster care and adoption. We’ve been involved long enough now that we’ve had a variety of experiences. Most of it has been good. We fostered three different sets of siblings first. Then we were contacted about the possibility of adoption. As I write this, our adopted kids have been with us for about two-and-a-half years so far. It seems as though they’ve always been ours.
We are taken back to reality from time to time as we allowed what is known as an open adoption. That basically means that we know their birth family and they know us. It also means contact with them from time to time. We have always been a bit cautious with the birth parents because they lost the kids due to their neglect, drug and alcohol use, violent behavior and other types of abuse. We do allow supervised visits from time to time but we made sure that legal documents were carefully worded so that we would have sufficient control, in the best interest of the kids.
We originally adopted the younger three kids first. Our sons were nine and ten and our daughter was twelve at the time. It wasn’t always easy but Kathy and I did so with the assurance that we were doing so in the Lord’s will for us, as well as for them. Our original kids are grown and on their own. In getting acquainted, we started out with short visits. The first time, their foster mom met us in a park, where we showed up with sandwiches, chips and soda. It was a positive meeting. It went well. This was followed by a series of meetings and phone calls over the next several weeks. Next, we met at the foster parents’ home. Then we began taking them out for pizza and other activities. As time went on, we brought them up to our mountain home, first for one night, then two, to give them opportunity to adjust and to accept their new circumstances. They indicated that this was what they wanted. So we finally were able to move them in.
That day, as we were unloading their earthly goods from the car into the house, our youngest stood in the middle of the living room and said, “Good! Now we’re finally home!” Our middle one seemed to take it all in stride. Our daughter, the oldest, who was twelve years old at the time, told me, “I just want you to know. I don’t trust men.” Knowing what she had been exposed to, I said, “That’s OK. I understand completely. If I had gone through what you have, I’d feel the same way.” I knew that over a period of time, she would be OK. But I also knew that it would take time and a fair amount of therapy, which it did. To make a long story short, she and I are extremely close now. She has related several times that she is fine with me and that she is glad that I am her dad. I assure her that I am glad that she is my daughter, and a fine one at that.
As time goes on, we have our good days, as well as trying times. However, I can honestly say that it is a privilege to parent these kids. Interestingly, the Lord has given both Kathy and I a precious love for each of these kids that is far beyond what we could have realized in the beginning days. We are clearly a family and gladly so! It’s a love thing!
As time went on, their sixteen-year-old sister who didn’t want to be adopted related that she had come to the place where she did indeed want us to adopt her. She had observed how happy that her siblings were and felt that she was missing out. So we adopted her as well. She came with a lot of emotional damage. She had an extremely unhealthy stubborn streak. She also turned out to be very jealous of her younger sister. After she came into our home, the dynamics changed in a direction that was clearly troublesome.
She was extremely rebellious, dishonest, and bent on having her own way. Shortly after her seventeenth birthday, she ran away with a boy that she had recently met at school. Both of them dropped out of high school. We didn’t know where she was for several weeks. Finally she called me one night. We were relieved to know that she was safe.
However, after she had ran away, we discovered that she had been cruel to her brothers and sister. She had even taken an aluminum baseball bat to her younger sister, being careful to hit her in areas where marks would not show. Then she threatened her with worse if she dared to tell Kathy and I. She believed her so kept it quiet. This, along with accounts of other incidents, came out after the older sister had run away.
As time went on, she ended up back with her birth mom and her mom’s boyfriend, which is the father of her younger siblings. That old lifestyle was all too appealing to her and she gravitated back to it, which was heart-breaking for us. However, the authorities told us that we could do nothing about it. They told us that once she turned seventeen that she could do what she wanted. They also told us that we are legally responsible for her until her eighteenth birthday.
Her boyfriend ended up cheating on her for another girl so they parted company. She became very bored with staying at home. So she decided to go back to school and we did what we could to make that happen as quickly as possible. She is a year behind however we’re just praying that she follows through to graduate from high school.
We love her as if she were one of our own and pray for her regularly and encourage her as much as we can. She communicates with us and we are thankful for that.
Other family contacts that we’ve had with the kids’ biological family have been excellent. Shortly after their moving in with us, we discovered that other family members had been not been allowed to see the kids. The social worker would not allow it. So we decided that we needed to do something about this as quickly as possible. I’ll never forget how thrilled that their grandparents were when I called them, explaining who Kathy and I were, and that we were calling to make arrangements to reunite them. One would think that we’d given them the winning lottery numbers! Since then, we’ve met other family members and are thankful that we have mutually accepted and appreciate one another!
We deal with normal family issues, such as with any family. We also enjoy the various foster kids that come our way. Each one comes with their own unique style of challenges and blessings. I couldn’t imagine life without them now! Is it worth it? Absolutely! After all, in the loving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, it’s a love thing!
Hopefully, we didn’t scare you too much with what you’ve read so far. In reality, we love being involved in both foster care and adoption. We’ve been involved long enough now that we’ve had a variety of experiences. Most of it has been good. We fostered three different sets of siblings first. Then we were contacted about the possibility of adoption. As I write this, our adopted kids have been with us for about two-and-a-half years so far. It seems as though they’ve always been ours.
We are taken back to reality from time to time as we allowed what is known as an open adoption. That basically means that we know their birth family and they know us. It also means contact with them from time to time. We have always been a bit cautious with the birth parents because they lost the kids due to their neglect, drug and alcohol use, violent behavior and other types of abuse. We do allow supervised visits from time to time but we made sure that legal documents were carefully worded so that we would have sufficient control, in the best interest of the kids.
We originally adopted the younger three kids first. Our sons were nine and ten and our daughter was twelve at the time. It wasn’t always easy but Kathy and I did so with the assurance that we were doing so in the Lord’s will for us, as well as for them. Our original kids are grown and on their own. In getting acquainted, we started out with short visits. The first time, their foster mom met us in a park, where we showed up with sandwiches, chips and soda. It was a positive meeting. It went well. This was followed by a series of meetings and phone calls over the next several weeks. Next, we met at the foster parents’ home. Then we began taking them out for pizza and other activities. As time went on, we brought them up to our mountain home, first for one night, then two, to give them opportunity to adjust and to accept their new circumstances. They indicated that this was what they wanted. So we finally were able to move them in.
That day, as we were unloading their earthly goods from the car into the house, our youngest stood in the middle of the living room and said, “Good! Now we’re finally home!” Our middle one seemed to take it all in stride. Our daughter, the oldest, who was twelve years old at the time, told me, “I just want you to know. I don’t trust men.” Knowing what she had been exposed to, I said, “That’s OK. I understand completely. If I had gone through what you have, I’d feel the same way.” I knew that over a period of time, she would be OK. But I also knew that it would take time and a fair amount of therapy, which it did. To make a long story short, she and I are extremely close now. She has related several times that she is fine with me and that she is glad that I am her dad. I assure her that I am glad that she is my daughter, and a fine one at that.
As time goes on, we have our good days, as well as trying times. However, I can honestly say that it is a privilege to parent these kids. Interestingly, the Lord has given both Kathy and I a precious love for each of these kids that is far beyond what we could have realized in the beginning days. We are clearly a family and gladly so! It’s a love thing!
As time went on, their sixteen-year-old sister who didn’t want to be adopted related that she had come to the place where she did indeed want us to adopt her. She had observed how happy that her siblings were and felt that she was missing out. So we adopted her as well. She came with a lot of emotional damage. She had an extremely unhealthy stubborn streak. She also turned out to be very jealous of her younger sister. After she came into our home, the dynamics changed in a direction that was clearly troublesome.
She was extremely rebellious, dishonest, and bent on having her own way. Shortly after her seventeenth birthday, she ran away with a boy that she had recently met at school. Both of them dropped out of high school. We didn’t know where she was for several weeks. Finally she called me one night. We were relieved to know that she was safe.
However, after she had ran away, we discovered that she had been cruel to her brothers and sister. She had even taken an aluminum baseball bat to her younger sister, being careful to hit her in areas where marks would not show. Then she threatened her with worse if she dared to tell Kathy and I. She believed her so kept it quiet. This, along with accounts of other incidents, came out after the older sister had run away.
As time went on, she ended up back with her birth mom and her mom’s boyfriend, which is the father of her younger siblings. That old lifestyle was all too appealing to her and she gravitated back to it, which was heart-breaking for us. However, the authorities told us that we could do nothing about it. They told us that once she turned seventeen that she could do what she wanted. They also told us that we are legally responsible for her until her eighteenth birthday.
Her boyfriend ended up cheating on her for another girl so they parted company. She became very bored with staying at home. So she decided to go back to school and we did what we could to make that happen as quickly as possible. She is a year behind however we’re just praying that she follows through to graduate from high school.
We love her as if she were one of our own and pray for her regularly and encourage her as much as we can. She communicates with us and we are thankful for that.
Other family contacts that we’ve had with the kids’ biological family have been excellent. Shortly after their moving in with us, we discovered that other family members had been not been allowed to see the kids. The social worker would not allow it. So we decided that we needed to do something about this as quickly as possible. I’ll never forget how thrilled that their grandparents were when I called them, explaining who Kathy and I were, and that we were calling to make arrangements to reunite them. One would think that we’d given them the winning lottery numbers! Since then, we’ve met other family members and are thankful that we have mutually accepted and appreciate one another!
We deal with normal family issues, such as with any family. We also enjoy the various foster kids that come our way. Each one comes with their own unique style of challenges and blessings. I couldn’t imagine life without them now! Is it worth it? Absolutely! After all, in the loving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, it’s a love thing!
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